I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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