That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
