Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
