Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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