maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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