My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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