I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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