I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
