we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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