He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
