We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
