she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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