Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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