There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
