Just cropdusted the office
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Someone came in the potted fern
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Randomize
