gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
