god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
