Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
