She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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