areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Never joke about your clitoris.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
