so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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