I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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