I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
