You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
