My balls are so social today.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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