I showed him my bush... on skype.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
