Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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