Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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