When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
