Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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