My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
