my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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