I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
