Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
do nipples grow back?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
