Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
