I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
