Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
this just has baby written all over it
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I understand Curling. That high.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
