Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
