Don't you send me to vm
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
