Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
