You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
