Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
