I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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