4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
