Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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