Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
