when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
