VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
