I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
where am i from again
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
