lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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