If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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